if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
