thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
