oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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