His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
