If that was your dad, he is hot
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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