Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
