He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
