i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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