I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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