sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
