When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
