Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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