I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
