In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
