dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
