She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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