I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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