Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize