he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
