Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
