just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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