I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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