Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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