**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
