I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
