My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
do nipples grow back?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
