I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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