I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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