You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
