Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
