you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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