don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
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