why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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