YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
