Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
