soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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