My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize