Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
