my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
