Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
