I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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