i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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