i just wanna soil my oats bro
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
