if i can run in heels then i can drive
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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