so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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