He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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