I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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