Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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