Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
