i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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