One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
