Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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