I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
