Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
