everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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