i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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