pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
