dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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