At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
