What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So. Much. Porn.
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